Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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