If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
