There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
