so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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