dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize