Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
