I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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