Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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