you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
