Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
