I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
