True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
