Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize