my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
