bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize