You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
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