my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
