I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
