with your own penis?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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