Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't turn off my feet"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
