I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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