I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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