Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
