On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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