I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
