the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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