Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Redeem this text for a blowjob
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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