i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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