There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
