only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
