After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
