he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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