If i come over, it means nothing
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
