Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize