fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
