I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize