Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
