Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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