I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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