I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
