And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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