booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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