Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
