I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
