I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
