Your dad touched me again.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
