forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
