Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just invented taco cereal.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
