He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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