Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just want to make out with him forever
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
