the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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