but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
