He uses pillows to masturbate.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
