Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
