their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
