So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
