I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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