They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
