Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
