Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
