We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
