I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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