you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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