you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
