Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
