dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
