This house was built for laser tag.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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