I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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