The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
