So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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