You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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