tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
