He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This house was built for laser tag.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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