How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
